God loves sisters and women.
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Sep 25, 2008
Jun 4, 2007
Humor from Daniel Liu
The following humor came from Daniel's email:
These are cute!!
JACK ( age 3 ) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: "Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk ?"
MELANIE ( age 5 ) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, " If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six ."
STEVEN ( age 3 ) hugged and kissed his Mom goodnight. " I love you so much, that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window ."
BRITTANY ( age 4 ) had an earache and wanted a painkiller. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a childproof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: " How does it know it's me ?
SUSAN ( age 4 ) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. " Please don't give me this juice again ," she said, " It makes my teeth cough ."
DI ( age 4 ) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: "How much do I cost?"
MARC ( age 4 ) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: "Why is he whispering in her mouth?"
CLINTON ( age 5 ) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, "I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?"
JAMES ( age 4 ) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." Concerned, James asked: " What happened to the flea? "
TAMMY ( age 4 ) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for awhile and then asked, " Why doesn't your skin fit your face? "
The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget.... this particular Sunday sermon..."Dear Lord," the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. "Without you, we are but dust." He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter (who was listening!) Leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, " Mom, what is butt dust ?
These are cute!!
JACK ( age 3 ) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: "Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk ?"
MELANIE ( age 5 ) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, " If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six ."
STEVEN ( age 3 ) hugged and kissed his Mom goodnight. " I love you so much, that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window ."
BRITTANY ( age 4 ) had an earache and wanted a painkiller. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a childproof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: " How does it know it's me ?
SUSAN ( age 4 ) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. " Please don't give me this juice again ," she said, " It makes my teeth cough ."
DI ( age 4 ) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: "How much do I cost?"
MARC ( age 4 ) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: "Why is he whispering in her mouth?"
CLINTON ( age 5 ) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, "I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?"
JAMES ( age 4 ) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." Concerned, James asked: " What happened to the flea? "
TAMMY ( age 4 ) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for awhile and then asked, " Why doesn't your skin fit your face? "
The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget.... this particular Sunday sermon..."Dear Lord," the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. "Without you, we are but dust." He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter (who was listening!) Leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, " Mom, what is butt dust ?
Feb 27, 2006
Feb 1, 2006
Dec 22, 2005
The Year in Review - Humor
Got this review list from a pastor in Australia.
Even pastors need a joke break once in a while...
January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels....."duh"....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!
March - Got excited....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months..... box said "2-4 years!"
April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!!
May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!
June - Tried to go water skiing.... couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
August - Got locked out of car in rain storm..... car swamped, because top was down.
September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???
October - Hate M&M's.....they are so hard to peel.
November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days..... instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!
December - Couldn't call 911....."duh"..... there's no "eleven" button on the phone!!!
What a year!!
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